I’ve been ill with some wretched disease these past 48 hours. Luckily my Godsend of a roommate has been taking care of me. Otherwise I surely would not have left the couch (or my bed, depending on where I was when it all started) and would have been covered in my own bodily fluids by now. So I assume it’s some 24 hour piece of shit flu, cold, or fever, which means it’ll last anywhere from 36-72 hours for me and my shitty immune system, so I take some dayquil and some generic Pepto-Bismol and carry on about my day. (Incidentally I think Pepto, the non-cherry kind, tastes a lot like valentine hearts frapped for my vomitous delight).
Incidentally, Pepto should have been the cure since I was experiencing every single one of the symptoms the manufacturers claim Pepto will help you with except for heartburn, that’s a relief. Anyway, Pepto didn’t solve so I log onto Webmd.com to try and discover what ghastly illness I have. As it turns out, based on my symptoms, I could be suffering a drug overdose, hepatitis a or b, morning sickness, food poisoning, norovirus, or hayfever. Beyond food poisoning I must say that the rest were QUITE laughable. I closed my computer because the lights were making me feel queasy again, and tried to go to sleep. All night I dreamed of silly solutions to my ‘illness.’ In one, F exclaims, “Have you not had pickle juice??” So I drink a gallon of it and WA-LA, I’m healed… only to wake up gagging at the thought of pickles. I have that moment of hysteria where I think- “Would pickle juice fix me?” “Should I eat three gallons of ice-cream?” “I could lay in the snow if it’ll help!” Then I realize that I need to take more dayquil, sip some water, and try not to think about how my dog’s incessant pants and licking of herself make me want to vomit up everything I’ve ever consumed.
So more vomiting and dehydration ensues and I make my way to the doctor’s office on campus. She’s known me for two and a half years now and I swear that my doctor never changes. She’s a squat middle aged woman wearing glasses that accentuate nothing about her and a too tight fitting doctor’s coat. Today I notice that I’ve never caught her during a good hair day or even a day when her hair was properly dyed. It’s always dirty blond with brown roots showing.
I feel great as I sit around in the doctor’s office. I consider, for a moment, telling them I was kidding and leaving, because obviously I am well, or close to it. But I stay. If nothing else, it’s a good time to catch up with the staff, all of which I’ve come to like. The doc talks to me extensively, my temperature is up from my normal level, but not too high, she makes me lie back. She presses on my stomach and suddenly- OUCH. That balloon filled with sand that has been sitting in my stomach for days moves awkwardly about inside of me. She says that she’ll get me something for the nausea. Exit doctor.
Enter nurse. I don’t know what it is that would inspire these nurses to take a position at Student Health Services at Creighton University, but not a single one of them is EVER happy to see a patient. I’ve seen one of them (out of about four) during my time smile. They are the type of people you meet on the street and you think- “Why do you hate your life?”
I’m feeling light headed, and the room is spinning a bit. I think I might pass out, vomit, or both. The nurse mumbles something about taking blood for tests and how I need a shot to stop the nausea since I probably won’t keep anything swallowable down right now. I agree. She asks me what order I want them in- draw blood or shot? In my mind I’m over calculating. “Will the shot affect my bloodwork? So shouldn’t we get unadultured blood first?” but I don’t say anything. I’m afraid to open my mouth less something besides words should come out. I tell her to do whatever way is best in some garbled version. She decides to take blood first.
Let me say that not only am I not scared of needles or blood, but I actually find them super fascinating. Usually I am all questions and intrigue, but today was not to be. She’s filling the third vial, and I’m holding one and two for her (already filled). Then I know I’m in trouble.
There is a singular look healthcare providers try not to give to patients but always inevitably do in these situations. It is a blend of compassion, concern, fright, and brainstorming. They know you’re about do something regrettable or code, and they don’t want to be the only one in the room when it happens. She bandages my arm and helps me to the bathroom where I immediately vomit my brains out approximately ten seconds after the vial left my arm.
Then I get the shot along with some reassuring words that come something like- “My name’s Tina. I’ll be right outside. I’ve never seen or experienced someone have an allergic reaction to this medication, but if you think you can’t breath or feel intense pain in your chest, just call my name. Ok?…. you’re not allergic to any medication right?” I over think it again and spend the next few minutes with my head spinning and trying not to vomit again thinking- “If she doesn’t know what it’s like for someone to react badly to this medication, she’s probably pretty useless at helping me in that critical emergency. I hope someone here knows how to dial 911 at least.”
The meeting closed with not so much comfort that it might be food poisoning so much as- “If it gets worse, you must go to the ER immediately. I worry it might be your appendix.” Oh goodness, that’s reassuring. I don’t think it’ll get worse but I certainly do not feel better… yet. When this is over, I swear to God I’m having steak. I don’t know where or how, but I’m having steak, mash potatoes, a roll (croissant hopefully), and a big ol’ glass of punch or lemonade or something. Ok- maybe I won’t, but a girl can dream can’t she?
So the shot was a medication called Tigan which they gave me the pill version of to follow up with. Beyond directions to stay hydrated I got a several full page typed information packet I promptly did not read. Since I have to stay up tonight for my job, I decided to look up the information I missed out on from the packet. Here are some more fabulous moral boosters for the oh so vomitous me-
Severe vomiting should not be treated with Tigan alone. Your doctor should emphasize restoration of body fluids, the relief of fever, and the relief of the disease causing the vomiting. However, the overconsumption of fluids may result in cerebral edema (excessive accumulation of fluid in the brain). I’ve been drinking liquids like crazy since I can actually keep them down now. I suppose I’ll slow down.
The antinausea effects of Tigan may make it difficult to diagnose such conditions as appendicitis and may mask signs of drug poisoning due to overdosage of other drugs.
So let me get this straight, if it is appendicitis, we may not know it? And that’s the medicational direction we’re going in? Alrighty then.
Tigan may cause you to become drowsy or less alert. Do not drive or operate dangerous machinery or participate in any hazardous activity that requires full mental alertness until you know how you respond to this drug.
I drove to work and am responsible for three people’s lives at 6 am. No pressure.
During illnesses such as high fever, inflammation of the brain, inflammation of the digestive tract, or dehydration, Tigan should be used with caution, especially in children, older adults, and anyone in a run-down condition. Under these circumstances, the drug is more likely to cause severe reactions such as convulsions and coma.
So- if the medication is to treat extreme vomiting, in what situation would a person be vomiting like crazy and not be in a run down state? I suppose my question is- when do you prescribe this drug and shouldn’t my doctor/nurse mention the possible convulsion or coma? Maybe I should just read what they give me next time.
Overall, I haven’t vomited in… 14 hours. This is pretty fantastic actually. I’m very happy with it. I still have chills and feel like ass, but not vomiting. I only have another 18 hours of relief from Tigan, side effects or not, and I plan on enjoying them fully with my new found freedom to drink clear liquids and eat crackers. If I have to have my appendix out, I might cry. By might, I mean I will.
Another good piece of news- apparently Tigan also comes in a suppository because people who are vomiting like crazy can’t swallow/keep it in their stomachs. So I should thank the Lord that I can keep down my pills right now.
A shout out to Putt who donated a Gatorade to my cause, Barth who picked up a couple hours of one of my shifts for me, F who helped soften my hands at one am, and my lovely roommate FWD who has basically nursed me back to…. whatever state I’m in. Thank you all, I do not have the capacity to tell you how much that means to me, but it means a fucking lot and when I’m sick I get all emotional and sappy and shit and then I sometimes cry with gratitude. Let it be known that some of you brought tears to my eyes. Help me to repay the favor someday.
One last reflection- This was a really long entry about basically nothing. But it killed a lot of time and allowed the medication to kick in so I wouldn’t vomit everywhere. Yes, that is my excuse. Deal with it.
