I’ve been thinking all day and I more confused now than when the day began. I woke up and found myself staring at the ceiling wondering where my life had gone. Where I was going. What I was going to do. I thought I should get out of bed, I should be doing something, making friends, anything. With all the thoughts in my mind, my whole past moving like shadows in my mind.
I logged onto Facebook and on my wall Hotchy stated how important my blog was in helping him to understand my current situation. It seems this conflict in my mind has lasted all night. I wake up exhausted wishing I knew what to do. I’m tired and I’ve been hearing my friends’ voices telling me that I should get some sleep. But I’m sleeping, just not resting. Stress has got me out of my mind and I’m faced with a choice I can’t make so my subconscious is plaguing me in nightmares I can’t stop. I think maybe if I just hold on I will make it through the week.
Uggh. With all this I’m feeling like I’m headed for a breakdown, but I don’t know why. My life isn’t that stressful. It’s like I’m a song that everyone hears- but do you hear the lines in between the lyrics? Can you read between the lines?
Reading this over I feel I have to explain that I’m not crazy. You may not care I’m just a little stressed and exhausted. I want to curl up next to you, I want to run away. I am the dichotomy and it is making the situation unsolvable. Well, I guess that’s how it goes.
I know, right now you can’t understand what I mean. I’m writing in code and leaving things out of a blog no one reads. I would tell you it all, but I don’t know how long I will be in the situation. Why ask when I think the answer may be here any moment now? Just stay with me. Calm my spirit for just a little while and maybe then I can tell you.
I know you’ll understand. See, it’s not something I can explain with words. Maybe music could perhaps describe a different side of me.
I’m not crazy, I’m just a little impaired. I know, right now you don’t care, but soon enough you’re going to think of me, and how I used to be….
