If you were looking for a way to ruin me…

Let me start this entry by saying- this is a super embarrassing story for me that I felt I needed to share in order to 

A. help any female who may find herself in a similarly embarrassing situation

B. get this off my chest so that I may move on with my life after several months and

C. provide some amusement/shock for my readers.

However, with a blush and a sigh, I must begin.

One night in Omaha, Nebraska my significant other and I were getting hot and heavy.  It was really fantastic, I mean GREAT.  Anyway, I was really into it and he was… to be blunt, fingering me like there was no tomorrow.

So sooner rather than later I came, hard.   And as my body writhed in ecstasy I felt the release from below of a short burst of liquid that ran down my inner thigh and pooled on the bed. 

I had orgasmed so hard I peed myself. 

Or so I thought.

So here I am, after having a great orgasm, and he’s looking at me to continue the action.  Of course, I am trying to be smooth and my mind is racing with options.

1. Try and turn him off and ruin the night as quickly as possible.

2. Tell him the truth and never speak to him again, spending the night sleeping in my car.

3. Somehow continue the action but keep him from doing anything further to me.

If you know me in real life then you know I have absolutely no poker face. I show exactly what I am feeling.  Due to this I have to wonder what my face looked like as I tried to fake smooth confidence and sexy while also emoting fear, insecurity, and a complete desire to run out of the room crying.  To my dismay, he noticed my sudden change of pace and emotional stability but (worse!) rolled over… his hand touching the moist spot on the bed.  He looked up with recognition.

Luckily, the guy I was dating has some sort of human side to him and handled the situation carefully, asking me what was wrong.  Now I was stuck.  Option 3 was now out the window as well as Option 1 since he had already poised the question. I sought for a lie inside of my head while I muttered “I came really hard and…well…uh…. you see…. um….” but there wasn’t a lie to be had.

 ”I, um… I came and I PEED MYSELF,” I blurted, quickly closing my eyes and hoping that God had enough pity to remove me from existence.   

”Well,” he said with a laugh, “you didn’t have to say it so the roommate could hear you.” 

“Yes… Um…. I’m going to go take a shower,” I stumbled through my words quickly removing myself from the situation altogether.

He was embarrassed.  I was embarrassed.  I’m pretty sure the Tarantula I kept in my room at the time was embarrassed.  

”Wait- are you sure it was piss? Are you sure it wasn’t a female ejaculation?”

I paused.  I wasn’t.

As it turns out, no, I didn’t piss myself during sex.  After some investigative work, like noting that the substance wasn’t piss after all, I can safely draw only one conclusion; I experienced my first ever female ejaculation.  I will admit that prior to that experience I did not even believe they really existed and my experience with it as a topic of conversation amounted to no more than the lesbian episode of Sex and the City.  

My ex would later point out-  ”What would you have done if I hadn’t suggested that’s what it was?  You would have kept believing you pissed yourself!” 

Anyway, the crowning moment of my female sexuality came… and I thought it was the worst moment of my life.

Girls, if you ever think you might have ejaculated instead of pissing yourself, believe it, but I would still check to make sure.  Also- don’t pee yourself during sex, that would be icky.

I will admit that I have no reason to put this in a blog entry except that- I had to tell someone.  (I also need some people to tell my ex that calling me “pisspot” is not kosher, but that is a minor aspect to this whole story.)

 

Tags: ex boyfriend, female ejaculation, Female Orgasm