He kissed me and my drunken stupor was prone to ask “Wait, are you a virgin?”
As if to answer, he kissed me again, missing the mark and clumsily handling my body. “Do I seem like one?” he purred. His statement was clearly indicative of a “no,” but his body said “yes.” I withdrew.
I have nothing against virgins, or sleeping with them, I just like to know what I’m getting myself into. With him it was a wildcard. Was he lying? Did I care? I decided I was too buzzed to find out or handle the repercussions. Particularly if he got all emotional or attached.
On the elevator on the way down I didn’t pause in the safe and secure lobby that would have allowed me to sober up on some overly modern furniture. It looked stiff and I wanted fresh air, but as soon as the musky 3 am July heat hit my face I reached back for the already locked and closed door.
I couldn’t have him buzz me back in, I had shut him down. I couldn’t stand alone in the darkening and isolated street. I moved briskly. I should’ve had him walk me out, now I was in trouble.
Three blocks up was my car, parked foolishly to the side with no appreciation for where the streetlights would have kept it lit. When I parked it there I didn’t think I would be staying long. Nor did I think I would wander away from it with a man I barely knew. I got nearer to my car and realized my dire situation. Stay in the dark, in a locked car, and sober up or more dangerously drive my car to a safer location.
Day three of a city I once knew, and nothing had changed. Perhaps I had not changed. I jangled the keys in my hand and eyed the area around me. Nothing was awake in this sleepy town and I wanted to join in the slumber.
“Damn it all!” I cursed under my breath. The noise startled me as my voice echoed back in the air. I strode back the way I’d come, towards a diner only 10 blocks away that had the possibility of still being open. If I survived my solo expedition in the night, I promised to be wiser about my choices. It was unlikely though, given my history of drunken promises that this night’s would be kept.
I just needed sunrise now, to help bring sobriety and levity to my life. Even the best choices can become the worst, dependent on the road leading to them. I let my heels click each dastardly step. I let my foolishness lead the way.
“Welcome back,” I muttered.
